Ari H.

I grew up spending my summer on adventures with my grandparents at camp in in the UP,  a cabin on Diamond Lake in Canada or a cabin on a tiny lake in Northern Wisconsin. The common elements of the 3 included unplugged family time with each other, God and nature. As a kid, the common element was the lake, all day lake time. I am a lake girl at the core.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the ocean but there is something special about a lake, maybe it’s my shark phobia, but I digress.  I am a lake girl just like my Gram.

My Gram lead the charge to the lake every day, no matter the temperature.  Those northern mornings are not what many would consider swimming weather but we typically did not take that into consideration, every sunny day was a swimming day.  My sisters and I would get in our suits, stay wrapped in our towels and stand at the end of the pier waiting.  We were waiting for an adult to come down, of course there was no swimming with out an adult near the lake.  We giggled and danced on the pier. We stared at the water. On warmer mornings we would dangle our toes in, but not on the side where a Muskie lived. Our toes were only safe on the swimming side. We did all the things we could do to distract our minds while we were in the waiting.  Sometimes, if we waited long, mind you 4 minutes is long in a young mind, on the cold mornings we began to question why we were standing there watching the fog from the cold air hitting the warmer water.   Minute 5 is when the doubt began to creep in.  Maybe we should find something cozy to do? Maybe today should start out slower? Maybe today was not made for adventure?  MAYBE….but then we would hear the screen door creek open and hear the squeals and joy of my Gram.  The adventure filled day was about to erupt.

Gram greeted us each with her laughter and love.  She got to the end of the pier and exclaimed… MOSI-VALI-TATU which is 3-2-1 in Umbundu and then she leaped off the pier.  The hooting and hollering started as soon as she bobbed up.  She laughed and yelled it was cold, cold, cold then had to reassure us that is was not too cold.  It seemed the hooting and hollering made the cold fade and soon she began to count down for us to jump, MOSI-VALI-TATU,  MOSI-VALI-TATU, MOSI-VALI-TATUuuuuuuu, until we each jumped in.  Filled with excitement and fear, we jumped into the cold dark lake.  Sometimes we jumped alone and sometimes together. Sometimes we jumped on the first count but sometimes it took a second count.

Each day was  different but lake days started with this little ritual. It seemed like nothing more than a fun game at the time but as I wrap up 2018 and think about 2019, I see  all that it provided.   First, we learned the value of waiting.  Waiting can be hard, but worth it.  When I have a plan in mind and  I wait on God’s plan instead of rushing in, the blessings are better than I anticipated.  Gram taught us that we needed guidance and we could trust her.  Today she is gone but I remember her ways.  She also taught us that God is our true trustworthy, everlasting guide.   She showed us how to be brave and to encourage others to be brave too.  We need to cheer each other on and count down together.  Sometimes it looks like cheering from the water and sometimes it is standing next to each other holding  hands and counting it down.  Finally, choose the adventure! Don’t doubt yourself, retreat or sit on the sideline.  Jump in, the adventure is waiting. The adventure is worth it.

So, spend some time and write down  bold dreams for 2019.  Think about who will  cheer you on or hold your hand and count it down.  Pray about these dreams and ask what more God has in store for you. God’s plan is always good and bigger than your dreams. It requires you to be strong and courageous and requires a YES and AMEN.

Are you ready?

MOSI-VALI-TATUuuuuuuuuuuu

It is the end of the year and once again my schedule is overloaded.  I’ve been cherishing the bits and pieces of down time with my people but definitely found myself looking down instead of ahead.  It’s time to look ahead, plan my route. I came across this reminder I wrote  and thought if I needed the words, maybe you do too…

When you first learn to ski you have the tendency to look down at your skis thinking it’s helping you control your skis and out come but actually you need to be looking ahead of your skis. You need to trust the equipment and the skills you’ve learned to know how to maneuver and look ahead to see what’s on the rise and determine where your next best move is.

xo, ari

It is the end of the year and once again my schedule is overloaded.  I’ve been cherishing the bits and pieces of down time with my people but definitely found myself looking down instead of ahead.  It’s time to look ahead, plan my route. I came across this reminder I wrote  and thought if I needed the words, maybe you do too…

When you first learn to ski you have the tendency to look down at your skis thinking it’s helping you control your skis and out come but actually you need to be looking ahead of your skis. You need to trust the equipment and the skills you’ve learned to know how to maneuver and look ahead to see what’s on the rise and determine where your next best move is.

xo, ari

Family is all we have

I was encouraging someone on their quest to rebuild relationships and I typed “at the end of the day, family is all we have.” and as I looked at the words on my screen, I could not hit send. Something is wrong with this statement. I believe it, don’t I?

So, here I am once again; a girl and her keyboard exploring life and what I believe. I am a truth and justice seeker by nature. Some like this about me, some don’t and I am okay with that. Today, I need to dig and uncover this truth; Is family all we got? Is family all that matters?

Loyalty is important to me. From a young age, I learned the destruction of dis-loyalty and decided that being loyal to people, especially your family was a priority. When you live your life like this, family becomes a top value. You sacrifice, put others first, put what is best for the family ahead of your desires because you are loyal. Our family is not with out fault, disagreements or mistakes but at the end of the day when everything settles down the family is still there.

So, why couldn’t I hit send?

As you know, I’m a faith girl. I wouldn’t say I am religious but I have deep faith and I believe Jesus’ greatest command is for us to love, love like he did. (I wrote a piece called Learning to Love if you want to know more of what that means or better yet read the New Testament.)
Maybe, I couldn’t hit send because this may seem to exclude God? God promises to never abandon us. Would I be offending God with the “all we have” part of the statement? Is that why I couldn’t hit send?

Hmmm, I do see God as my Father, as the head of the family. Decisions do not get made with out passing them by God, most ones anyway…maybe more decisions than not is safer to say. To know me is to know that this is deep rooted in me and this person would know this about me. It is safe to say that God is family to me, the top of my family so no, that is not the reason.

So, why couldn’t I hit send?

If I believe that family is needed to thrive in the life and if I believe I can say this without offending God because God is family, in addition it is known that I would never be excluding God, what is it that kept me from sending, “family is all we have”?

I re-read the sentence.

“at the end of the day, family is all we have.”

I read it again and then is comes.

Words trip me up. I am a word person. I read into meaning of words and I am conscious of the words I use.

The word in all this that is holding me up is family.

You see, I hold a different definition of family.

The official definition of family is as follows…

family

1. 
a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
◦ a group of people related to one another by blood or marriage.”friends and family can provide support”
2. 
all the descendants of a common ancestor.”the house has been owned by the same family for 300 years”

synonyms:
ancestry, parentage, pedigree, genealogy, background, family tree, descent, lineage, bloodline, blood, extraction, stock; More

I grew up in a household that blood, lineage nor ancestry alone determined the lines of family. God brought people into our lives to love, to include, to be family. Yes, blood and marriage determine family but this is not it for us. People are brought into our lives for us to love and some of them are brought in to be family— to do life together, the good and the hard, to encourage and help, . My parents and grandparents taught this, their parents taught this. My man and I are teaching this to our children. Family matters and God extends our families. We must celebrate and stand with them in deep waters. Family is more than blood.

I may now be able to type and send this variation, “At the end of the day, family, including God, is all that we have and by family I mean blood family as well as our God family.” Seems a bit wordy, but I feel better about it.

My church gave out necklaces with words on it, words that were meaningful to your story. Words to hold on to and words to share. I got grace, which is a story for a different day, but what I wanted was Brave. Brave was one of the first to run out. A church full of woman on Mother’s day and many were seeking bravery. I was one of the many, but why? Shortly after, I had the opportunity to hear a woman speak about peace, the middle east and how she is connecting globally with woman of all beliefs and backgrounds. Her voice crackled occasionally but she was full of passion and compassion. She told of trips she took and brave truth in love conversations. I was fascinated. This petite woman was mighty. She was brave. At the end of the talk, I stood in line to speak to her. I stepped up and jumped right in with my story about all the brave necklaces running out and why do you think that is? Why are we all searching for bravery? She almost froze. She started to reply that she does not know anything about the necklaces. She missed it. I circle back explaining that I was not looking for new necklace but that bravery was what women on Mother’s day wanted more than anything else, more that love, joy, grace etc. Woman want to be brave. She now understood but I believe she was so caught off guard, she did not have much to say. She did not see it. Before me stood a brave woman telling her story bravely and I don’t believe she knew she was brave.

I have thought back to that moment several times. Overall I am a quiet person, but I can be a bit overwhelming to people when I have something on my mind and if it is on my heart, whoa, watch out. I now recognize how I could of better approached her and pulled back, pulled back my 8-ness for all you fellow enneagram followers. More importantly, I think back to bravery. Why didn’t she recognize it? Why do we want it?

Time to dig in.

brave
brāv/
adjective: ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.”a brave soldier”
synonyms:
courageous, valiant, valorous, intrepid, heroic, lionhearted, bold, fearless, gallant, daring, plucky, audacious; unflinching, unshrinking, unafraid, dauntless, doughty, mettlesome, stouthearted, spirited; informal game, gutsy, gutty, spunky, skookum “they put up a brave fight”

Ready to face danger and pain? Yikes, maybe I am not looking for bravery. If I want it am I inviting danger and pain in? Brave. Brave. Brave. I like comfort and I like peace (again 8 all day) but I have been learning that I was made to do hard things. The hills and valleys of my life have taught me grit, endurance, confidence and grace. These things have prepared me or gotten me ready to face and endure danger or pain. The thing is, most days I don’t feel brave and not sure I want it. I am not even sure what the feeling of brave is anyway. When I wanted that necklace with the word brave on it, I think the thoughts of boldness, fearless and heroic were more of the words floating in my head. I wanted those titles. Strong words are appealing to me but I’m not searching for scary words like enduring pain or danger. Courage is a word that is appealing but at the same time sounds weak on a necklace. Courage. Courage. Courage is not the same as brave, similar. I need to explore it. What is courage?

cour·age
ˈkərij/
noun
noun: the ability to do something that frightens one. “she called on all her courage to face the ordeal”
◦ strength in the face of pain or grief. “he fought his illness with great courage”
synonyms:
bravery, courageousness, pluck, pluckiness, valor, fearlessness, intrepidity, nerve, daring, audacity, boldness, grit, true grit, hardihood, heroism, gallantry; More informal guts, spunk, moxie, cojones, balls

Interesting. With courage, one isn’t necessarily ready for the danger or pain. Ready sounds like one was prepared with intentional planning. Courage is a noun, an ability not a an adjective like brave. Courage means you are still frightened and do it anyway.

That awkward conversation taught me something about bravery and subsequently courage. The bravest actions are not from brave people. They are from people like me and like you. People who may or may not be ready to face danger and pain but instead people who say yes to the whispers from God. They are people of courage who sometimes stumble upon bravery. Whether they are ready before the yes or whether God prepares them along the way, they say yes and take a step forward. In that step, they may not see where their foot is going to land, but they have faith that God will guide it, prepare it and light the way for the next right step.

That brave woman, was no expert in bravery so didn’t claim the title. She had courage; courage to yes to God and over and over took the next right step. This is what bravery is, one who has courage and exercises courage repeatedly. She may have not felt ready but God equipped her and she said yes and has not stopped saying yes.

So, are we looking for bravery or are we truly looking for courage? The answer is yes. We need to start with courage and if we live our lives by saying yes even when we are frightened or faced with pain and grief, bravery will stumble upon us too. May we all be brave people, may we be ready and when we are not, may we be filled with the courage to take the next right step even if we don’t know where we are going to land. May we have faith like a child with are arms up in the air, looking into the face of our father instead of down at our feet.

I do not need a necklace to remind me, I have my sisters to encourage and tell me it is okay to be scared, just go do it anyway. As I remind myself, I remind you also. If you are hearing a whisper, if God is opening new doors for you, have faith, step forward scared— God has got you.

“So take me back, back to the beginning, when I was young, running through the fields with you.
Oh make us like children.”
Let it Happen by United Pursuit