Ouch

OUCH

I love the Bible App. Maybe it’s the convenience of it or that I can make the letters huge on my screen? Don’t get me wrong, I am still a paper girl and love a good pen and my old Bible but I’m also a tech girl and love my gadgets. Many mornings I grab my phone while still in bed and open the Bible app. The light is too bright and my eyes haven’t adjusted to the world yet so I have it read to me. I listen to the words and pray.

After a month of zero sleep in or lazy start mornings, I am up early even though I don’t have to be so what seems to be a normal response to me, I refuse to get up. I will stay in bed, wide awake. After 20 minutes of my mind wondering here and there I decide to wrangle it back in and be intentional. I open my Bible App.

I see a large number staring at me, 291.

Hmmm, my mind is in for one more rabbit trail before I settle into the word. 291, I tap into it. Oh wow! I have been in the Bible 291 days this year. I fall for it and take the pat on the shoulder I know is coming from somewhere but instead I feel the comforting rub on the shoulder with the words, “Ohhh hunny”. You know, the one gentle hand shoulder rub? The “it’s okay, I fell for it too” one? Yup, that was it.

I did the math. 291 days is 79.7% That is not even a solid B! (The semester grades were recently finalized in my household so these convos are fresh in my head.) I was ready to throw a victory dinner for the lower end of a borderline grade at best. OUCH. Well, maybe I should review this further and ask the questions parents ask. Because I am an adult I will immediately put the excuses aside and not discuss how I also read my paper Bible and books about the Bible but I won’t go there because as an adult I would also have to look at the time spent on the phone total vs the time in the Bible app. DOUBLE OUCH.

Instead stick to the questions, only the questions….. Did I put my full effort into it? Did I do my best work? Is this my full potential? Is my current ability only C+/B- work? Is the Bible App not my thing?

Gulp.

No.

No. No. No. No.

Deep breath. Sigh. Ouch.

Thank God, literally that God is not a shaming parent and not one of condemnation and guilt. Instead God looks us in the eyes and says, “Good effort but I know you can do better. I love you, now keep at it and maybe look at completing those many reading plans you start. Focus, I need you to be prepared for the big plans that are in store for you. Go girl, you got this because I got you.”

I’m sorry God. I’ll do better because I KNOW your plan is better than mine. You see the big picture and know what is best for me and in order to hear your will I must spend time reading your words, not the worlds.

This journey isn’t easy and requires commitment, reflection and grace. This is how we grow.

I’m still not out of bed but have a lot stirring in my heart and head. I am grateful God is not done with me yet.

What is God rubbing your shoulder gently and saying “Oh hunny” to you today? Read. Pray. Listen.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭12:30‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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